I woke up again. Everywhere was so quiet, I guess my mom had gone home and I was happy. I was tired of her ranting.
A nurse came to check my vitals she had this smile that I found comforting and calming.“How are you feeling now?” She asked me.
“Im tired of everyone asking me that. You won’t understand. No one understands me. If i was fine will I try to kill myself? Will I be here now? I’m tired of being asked stupid questions”
“ Being rude will get you nowhere. You sound like someone who is hurting. It seems that you need someone to talk to. Try and talk to me.”
“You won’t understand, no need to talk about it. Dont you have other people to attend to?”
She smiled “ You’re the last person I have to check on before i sign out for the day. So talk to me. Even if I won’t understand, its always good to pour out your mind to someone. You’ll feel better afterwards, trust me you have nothing to loose.”
She said smiling, I checked her name tag and saw her name was Blessing.
“Fine!!! I’m tired of my life. No one loves me. My mom doesn’t love me, my dad doesn’t want me. They are separated. I don’t have friends. I’m always alone and I’m tired of it. The pain was too much for me.
And when I thought someone finally loved me. He only ended up using me. I hate everybody and I hate myself and my life. I’m not beautiful, I’m not smart, I’m always shy, I cant act normal in public I’m just useless, that why no one cares about me. They dont, they might come now to check up on me and stuff but they don’t really care. ” I tried to blink away the tears but it came pouring down.
“How do you know that no one really cares about you? The truth is that if you don’t love yourself then the love that others give to you won’t be enough. Beleive it or not a lot of people care about you in their own way. You just can’t see it.”
“That makes no sense to me. My life is messed up”
“Your life might not be going the way you want it but that dosent mean you should end it. It doesn’t solve anything. Bad things will always happen to you, what matters is how you react and what you make out of it. There’s a brighter side to every situation, you just have to discover it.”
“Whats the use of living, when no one loves you. When you will always be alone”
“You keep saying that no one loves you, when you don’t love yourself. Don’t you think you have been looking for the wrong type of love in the wrong place?”
And that word struck me…….To be continued.