” Good morning honey” I woke up and decided to cheerfully greet my husband one morning.
I had hoped to take a step towards trying to make us work. My friend had taken me to a pastor for some prayers, of course I didn’t plan for it but there was no way of escaping Linda when she was on to you with her church issues.
I had practically become so weak spiritually I couldn’t even go to church. All I felt was the guilty of my sins and it drew me further away.
Linda played me some recording of Joyce Mayer’s video were she was talking about taking an action when one is guilty of sin and not just feeling guilty.
” feeling guilty does not solve the problem but taking a step and be determined to change your ways will help you overcome your sins” I heard the recording. But like they say it’s easier said than done. I didn’t feel any better and somehow my inner self was still tied.
The pastor prayed and counselled me even without me revealing the actual details of my sins. He advised that I tried to talk to my husband normally and behaved like a normal wife as that would probably make him reconsider his actions.
So here I was trying to make things better after trying to welcome him home and preparing his favorite meal of which he ate without saying a thing. I woke up in good spirits greeting my husband. Hoping he would respond likewise but to my shock Chris sat up gave me a sharp disgusting look and moved out of the bed.
” Chris, I just said good morning to you. Can’t you just answer me? Am a human being you know, I have feelings and whatever you have been doing is hurting me” I complained following him to the bathroom.
” Please when you are done nagging close the door behind you I need to wash up am getting late for my trip!” He responded spitting out the form from his mouth as he brushed his teeth like that spit was meant for me.
I stood there looking at him, feeling completely ignored and unwanted.
He finished preparing himself and without looking at me he announced.” Am going to Dubai to collect my items they are arriving tomorrow “with that, he walked out carrying his bag.
Instead of crying myself out I took my phone and called the person that I was finding comfort in, Lucas.
He immediately picked the call. “Hey you have no idea how excited I am that you have called me!” He said cheerfully making me smile.
” Yeah I figured you are the one always calling so I thought of making a difference “I answered back.
After a long discussion, Lucas, told me he wanted to pick me up for some surprise. I was a bit hesitant given the mood I was in. But as always I decided to let him come over.
I decided to dress simply, a long dress, some slippers and made sure my makeup was well neat simply done. Lucas was evidently a good person so I decide to give him what he deserved, a good day.
Walking outside, I saw Mike’s car parked a few yards from my house. I had known he had been spying on me and to make sure he doesn’t do his crazy thing of climbing over the wall fence I had made Linda go home with me at several occasions and sometimes I decided to stay late at work or visit some relatives within Lusaka.
Seeing Mike ducking to hide from me made me almost laugh. I pretended to have not seen him and when Lucas stopped to pick me up I had deliberately asked him to use the Mtendere route.
” Lucas, do you mind going through the small road through the market I need to give someone some money I got something yesterday,” I told Lucas as he drove us.
He looked at me and smiled as was his nature. “Whatever you say sweaty, just direct me”
I made him go inside the market and take some two more turns until I was sure we had lost Mike.
I made a false call, trying to create some impression I was talking to the person I wanted to see. “am coming to your place now can you come out?” I spoke to no one in particular.
” Okey then I will bring the money tomorrow then” I went on.
Lucas looked at me “what now?”
” Oh am sorry I acted before thinking, I could have called her before coming. She’s not home” I faked a smile.
” Okey no problem we can simply drive back” he chuckled.
“Thank God for this gentle soul” I whispered in my mind.
Lucas drove us back to the main road and he didn’t allow me to ask questions of where we were going. I sat silently letting him take me where ever he wanted.
We came to halt in front of a house in Chalala.
” Come on Stella I want you to meet my mother!” He announced as he opened the door for me.
” What?” I popped my eyes open shocked.
” No I can’t! “I almost shouted loudly.
The thought of him introducing me to his mother weakening me. I was a married person for heaven’s sake. How was I going to dodge the one now? Oh God !” I screamed in my mind, forgetting how I had put God aside and now that trouble had come my way, I was remembering calling out God’s name.
” Stella no need to get all worked out. You will love the old woman, she’s looking forward to seeing you” Lucas said excitedly.
I had no way out as we were already at the house. “calm down Stella” I told myself as he held my hand and led me to the front of the house.
” oh my God they are here!” A slim girl shouted excited as we emerged from the door.
I couldn’t hold myself, my heart was racing. In all honesty I had not seen that one coming. I thought the surprise was probably another dinner or something else. But taking me to his mother really got me. My stomach was completely scattered as I could feel it move about like someone was shaking it.
Lucas pressed my hand as though to assure me he was there for me.
An elderly women walked towards us and wore a wide smile,” you are welcome home my daughter” she said pulling me in a hug.
” my son has been singing about you and we all couldn’t wait to see you. He was right, you are so beautiful” she let a laugh.
” Thank you mom” is all I managed to say trying to smile at her.
She held me and led me to a sit. “Feel free my dear, am not one of those traditional mother in-laws. In fact I would rather you are close to me in that I will feel okey knowing you will take good care of my son for me” she told me.
Lucas kept on smiling as his mother and I talked. He nodded his head at me like to tell me “l told you she will like you” but my inside was screaming at me.
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Lucas’ mother took me around the house making Lucas stay back when he wanted to go with us.
” My daughter am glad you are in my son’s life. I was worried the death of his first wife left him broken. Now that I know he has fallen in love again, am well pleased and at ease. He needs you so much and am sure you will make him happy” she held my shoulders as she spoke and I felt a grip on my throat. I needed to cry. Wishing I was as honesty as the people that embraced me so much and saw the good in me that I myself didn’t see.
” Yes ma,” I smiled looking ahead to hide the tears in my eyes.
I let her tell me all about her late husband and how she was not able to conceive after she gave birth to Lucas, how she had to raise her sister’s and brother’s children instead.
” I wish to have grandchildren from my own son you know, I really pray for God to bless you two so that you can fulfil my last wish” she went on speaking slowly and calmly, making me want to get swallowed by the ground to avoid what I was causing innocent people. The thought of how they will be disappointed when the truth was known pricking my conscience.
” So what do you think? “Lucas asked
” About? “I asked upset minded
” Stella you seem tense. Do you feel okey? Am sorry if I disappointed you with my surprise. Am sorry” he held my hand with one hand as the other held on to the steering.
” No no it’s not that. I was surprised yes and believe me I am so humbled you have shown such confidence in me and took me to see your mother. She’s a great person and so welcoming I felt at home” I smiled definitely.
I let him drop me by the same spot he picked me not wanting him to see where I actually stayed and like always he didn’t ask a lot of questions.
He smiled and perked my forehead before leaving.
I walked inside the house and threw myself on bed. “Oh Jesus! Save my poor soul!” I shouted spreading my hands and legs on the bed and taking in deep breaths.